Yesterday my wife and I bought a plastic bag dispenser to attach to our dog’s leash, for hygienic reasons that are obvious to anyone who has walked a dog, or seen one walked. There was a variety of colors and patterns to choose from, but we zeroed in instantly on our favorite: the pirate-themed dispenser.
What is it about pirates? They’re mean and murderous, things which I hope my wife and I are not. So why does everybody love pirates? Long before the lovable Johnny Depp recreated Jack Sparrow for millions of movie-goers, Disney visitors were frolicking on the Pirates of the Caribbean theme ride in Florida. This past Friday, I read, was “Talk Like a Pirate Day.” And I jumped at the chance to adorn my little puppy’s pleasantly purple leash with a black and white plastic dispenser covered with skulls and crossbones.
Then it dawned on me, pirates - at least as they’re portrayed in popular culture - are exceedingly charismatic, and as humans, we flock to charisma. It’s why there are cults of personality, it’s why life is a perpetual popularity contest, and it forms my new hypothesis as to who wins presidential elections. I used to think the better-looking candidate always won, but aside from the awkwardness of being a straight man trying to ascribe attraction points to male politicians, it didn’t really work. It’s just not possible to say whether George W. Bush is better looking than John Kerry. It’s the wrong contest.






The online auction website 
